Letters from Captivity (3)
The Diary of Ginny Blackwell
Day 7 of Captivity
Today, I’m full of questions. It’s been a few days since Gabriel met me at the secret garden. And, I heard Jerry in his study talking to someone named Kane. I helped put this in motion, and I pray …
God, I don’t know if you’re listening. I don’t know if you exist, but I hope.
I know I’m a demon. Every day since my birth, I have been told what I am: unworthy. After a while, you stop arguing. I don’t know why I reached out to you in my hour of need. I don’t know if you had a hand in my bond with Gabriel or if it was just the universe. Are you the universe?
No matter how it came about, Gabriel was an answer to prayers I’d been screaming into the void. His strength flowed into me when I had none of my own. I don’t agree with everything that he stands for. He is dark, deadly, and secretive. But, in my hour of need, he gave me the tools for survival, and if you had something to do with that, thank you.
Sometimes I wonder: The world is full of randomness, probable and improbable events meshing together, bad actors jockeying for control. Is it random or is there order? Am I, a demon, part of that order? Do I get to choose whether I’m evil, or am I destined to be something because of what I am, as opposed to who I am? I know you can’t answer in words.
I feel like there are lessons here I am yet to learn, and I promise you, I am doing my best. I could use a little guidance, though. Am I doing the right thing by going after the organization that made me? How much can I trust Gabriel? How do I keep Henry safe? I’m sorry if I impose on you. That is not my intent. I’ve read all about the trials of your champions in the bible. I’ve heard the wisdom of humans expounding the virtues of helping ourselves. Maybe this is my trial. I promise to help myself, to use the resources available to me, and to fight for the love I hold for Henry. I promise to hold love, not hate, as my guiding light, and I hope you can forgive me for my sins in the name of that love.
Ginny